Dear Sister,

When are you ever gonna write back. I'm used to not getting a response by now, but it still hurts. I burned my hand real bad puttin up the last of the figs a couple of weeks ago. It developed into a staff infection and I had to go to bed with the fever. But as you can see I can still manage to write my sister a letter. What's your excuse? Did you sprain your wrist puttin on your mascara?

Our next door neighbor, Lexxann's, postcard was chosen on Regis and Kathy Lee last week. They called her but she didn't answer the question right. What was the name of the flying car in the 60's Dick van Dyke Musical of the same name? She said Herbie, The love Bug. They gave her a pop corn popper and some Lee Press On Nails. She was real disappointed. The main prize was supposed to be a trip to Hawaii.

She is a real sweetheart. She's the one that has kept the girls for me so much, ever since they was little bitty. You know, her momma had an extra uterus and donated it to her sister, and she had twins with it. And then developed cancer in it and died. Her momma felt like it was all her fault, since it was her Uterus that the sister got the cancer in. But she did have the twins, and they say they look just like her. They are gonna have the twins checked to see if that double uterus thing is inherited.

I sent them a big ol box of Harla and Darla's hand-me-down baby clothes. But you know, like all that wadn't enough, it turned out that during that whole thing Lexxann's Daddy that was our Dentist. For years and years he had taken to wearin a bra and panty hose around the house. He would always dress normal when he went out, but at home it was all peek a boo nighties and teddies and caftans. Well, his poor wife was saddled with that on top of recovering from major surgery. She was in bed six weeks after giving her daughter that extra uterus. They finally fixed the Daddy a place to sleep in the den and took him to counseling.

Meanwhile, Lexxann’s husband was havin an affair with their maid, Concepcio'n. Lester has just had a field day, with that bein her name you know. I guess it is kinda funny. I just told him to quit making jokes about it in front of Harla and Darla.

Lexxann has put him out of the house, but she kept Concepcion on as her maid. She said she could find her a new husband easier than she could find her a new maid.

You may think that this could get no worse. Girl, don't you believe it. It seems Lexxann had been havin an affair with her dead sister's husband, even before she was dead. He said after the surgery, you know the uterus transplant, he said he couldn't help but thinkin that he was screwin his Mother-in-law every time he had sex with his wife. I suppose it would take a Ph.D. psychiatrist to tell us how screwin her sister was a remedy for that.

They are all just pure-dee trash, except for Lexxann. She is a victim, and I feel real sorry for her. I sure do wish she coulda won that trip from Regis and Kathie Lee. She needs to get away from it all.

If you are through with that accordion, Lester told me he wants it back. Reckon you can mail it to us? He is so funny about anything that belonged to his Sister.

We are taking a mail order course on black and white photo tinting. Lester thinks that we are gonna get rich doin it. We are finally getting the hang of it. At first all the people in the pictures we tinted looked like they had too much make-up on, especially the men. I asked Lester who was gonna want this done, when they can just get a good color picture taken at Wal-Mart or just about anywhere. He said that I was just a woman and I didn't understand that this was art.

So anyway, send us some black and white pictures of you, and please specify Eye color, Hair color (at the time the photo was taken), and indicate color of blouse, dress, suit or ensemble. We'll give you a good deal. 10 percent off or somethin, okay?

I'd better go now. Harla and Darla got a tie-dye Kit they bought with their own money, and if I don't stop em, they are gonna tie-dye all the bed-sheets and linens and most of their clothes. Last time I checked on em, it looked like their arms were dyed all the way up past their elbows. I just hope I can get those stains out of the linoleum and off of my counter top on the built-in in the kitchen.

Goodbye for now. Remember, we love you, anyway.