Steve

Dear Sister

Vacation Bible school is out and the twins are just about to drive me wild. Last Sunday in church I told them to sit still and stop scufflin. If I told them once, I told em umpteen times. The preacher was goin on and on real loud and dramatic about how moved he'd been when he saw Charlton Heston at a national N.R.A. meeting. Well, all of a sudden he paused for dramatic effect quite unexpectedly. The silence however was filled with my voice echoing off the back of the Baptistery tank saying, "You two want me to jerk you baldt headed?"

Well, everybody looked at me just like I had backed the station wagon into a lake and drowned those two little morons. The minister cleared his throat finally and started explainin that the Desert Storm hadn't just been about oil like some Liberals would have you believe but many Non-Christian people, that real awful kind that won't learn English and would just as soon slit their own Mother's throat, were mercifully taken from this earth as was God's will. So great was his victory that many had to be buried with bulldozers.

I knew I hadn't seen that on CNN But I got sick of watchin there towards the end and must have missed it. I'm so glad that the government is willing to do whatever is necessary so my kids can sleep safe. Well at least the last administration did. It sounds like this one will do anything so they can sleep with whoever they want. The minister prays for Bill Clinton every week. At training union we have a little open discussion on what we heard on Rush Limbaugh. One lady says her brother knows him and we might get him to come speak. That would be as the kids say totally awesome. I'll let you know.

Did I tell you Harla and Darla were in the 4th of July parade? They were on Mr. Henry Monroe's Shop-o-rama Float. That's the name of his grocery store. It was in the paper. I'm sending you a clippin. It seems everything was goin fine until about midway through the parade. It seems that Mr. Henry had told his son, Wiley, to borrow his Aggie roommate, Skeeter's Helicopter and fly over the parade droppin free samples into the crowd. Well, that would have been just fine, but Wiley sent Skeeter up with bottles of Snapple and 12 cases of Dr. Pepper, in cans. When he started droppin em into the crowd all hell broke loose.

People were screamin and ducking for cover. The Snapple bottles went off like bombs when they hit the pavement and put good-sized dents in what ever else they hit. The Dr. Pepper cans were breakin windshields and knockin people down especially if they got hit in the head. The Grocery Store float itself rear-ended the float from the Debbie Rene's Wig - Mart and Liquor store and the impact knocked Harla off the back of the float into the path of the next one. She almost pulled Darla off with her cause they were holdin hands standin up on top of a big paper mache' picnic ham. She cut her lip on the pavement and ruined her net tulle dress when she got sprayed head to toe in Snapple when one hit right next to her while she was down. From the stains it looks like it must have been Black Cherry.

By the time we got her picked up and dusted off, they had finally been able to radio to Skeeter's copter, to quit throwin that stuff and land in the church parkin lot, where they could give the rest of the free soft drinks out, without any body else gettin hurt. Mertis De la Plane’s boy, Otto, sprained his wrist pretty bad but proudly caught two of the Dr. Pepper's bare handed. They asked Skeeter why didn't he know what was happenin and stop after he threw the first couple of bottles. He said he was so busy dodging Church Steeples and missing telephone poles and electrical wires he didn't know anything was wrong.

I didn't get the girls calmed down and put to bed ‘til after midnight that night, but somehow they were up at 6: A.M. the next morning playin swing the statue in the kitchen. When Darla hit the utility table and sent the toaster and the coffee pot flyin is when I first knew anything about it. Harla threw her across the room so hard she had shortie shorts on and it gave her a linoleum burn on her thigh that took the hide clean off in one big ol place. Then they dropped the huge family economy refill size of Tang on the floor and stepped barefoot in the glass trackin blood and Tang powder footprints all over my pink bedroom carpet to tell me about it. I just don't know if I can make the whole summer with those two.

They always are talkin about you. They ask me what your apartment looks like. I'm thinkin they are old enough to come see you overnight or if you insist a week or two. Do let me know won't you? You can pick them up or we can send them on the Bus. Whichever you think best. It's really up to you, their favorite Aun..., I mean Uncle ... oh well, their favorite Person. Remember we love you anyway,