Steve

I was so surprised to hear that Frank was hospitalized. I had no idea that he had a bad heart. I would like to come to see him if I may. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.

Your Twin Sister,

Dear Edith,

Your letter shows a Los Angeles address. I had no Idea that you were in town. I'm sure that Frank will be all right. Everyone is simply making a big fuss, over nothing. He had one martini too many, Blacked out, and fell down two flights of stairs and landed face down on the terrazzo tile floor of the foyer, in front of a lot of people at a cocktail party.

Big deal. I've done worse, a lot worse, once off of a balcony and into the pool. I chipped my tooth, chipped my tooth, on the patio furniture and I didn't see you write any weepy little letter that time. And don't tell me that you didn't know, because it was in all the papers.

As far as coming to see Frank, I really don't think that would be wise. We haven't seen or heard from you in you in years. Why, I'm not sure that Frank even remembers that I have a sister. May be you can call me from your Motel or whatever, if it has a phone, before you leave town.

Dear Margaret,

I guess Frank wasn't all right after all I read his death notice this morning. I fully intend to be at the funeral and you can't stop me.

To think that Frank would " not remember' The sister that he was engaged to when he suddenly married you, is quite ridiculous. It does show me that you are no different than you have ever been.

I was so sure that motherhood might change you. That you would finally realize that you weren't the baby, that someone else came first. That yours and Frank's baby could bring some kind of responsible behavior and a sense of reality to your sick self absorbed world. At least he, or she should be 21 now and of some comfort to his mother in this time of terrible loss. I will see you on Tuesday. And oh yes, Margaret I was so sorry to hear of your chipped tooth.

Your Twin,

Dear Edith,

I really see no purpose in your attending the service on Tuesday. I can't believe you still are all sour grapes over my marrying Frank. After all that was so many years ago. I'm sure that you are expected back, wherever it is that you live, and you should go there as soon as possible.

Do you need money? I could buy your plane ticket, or as you are probably more accustomed, pay your bus fare. Do let me know.

Sincerely,

I have lived in Los Angeles for over ten years. Ever since our father died. I wrote you then. I called and left a message with a maid and a butler, letting you know about the arrangements for his funeral. You didn't bother to return my calls and you didn't bother to come to your own father's funeral either.

They told me you were in Europe. But when came to leave the few precious momentos that he left to you, on the very afternoon of his funeral, the butler asked me if I would like to join Madam and the other guests by the pool.

I could see you across the way, all liquored up, martini in hand, holding court in a three piece, leopard-print swimming costume, by Don Loper of Beverly Hills.

I was so disgusted that left immediately, without giving you the things that our Dad had asked me to give to you. I still have them in a small drawstring, Crown Royal bag in which he gave them to me. A small picture of Mother that he always carried. He wanted you to have it.

You know they said after I was born, she was just fine. But then you came next and they say it was having you, that killed her. You were upside down or sideways or both and your head was huge. Grandma said her heart just couldn't take it. Daddy forgave you, but you know, I don't think I ever did.

He also wanted you to have his Purple Heart that he got overseas during the First World War. It's too bad Maggie, that no one has ever given you a medal before, because I think it would have been the Purple Ass for your having been a perfect ass for all these many years.

For you see Maggie, You not only took from the man I loved, by Marrying Frank but you took from me, my own dear Mother, on the very day I was born. You may be my Sister, and for that for some inexplicable reason, I DO LOVE YOU, BUT YOU ARE A VILE, DETESTABLE CREATURE AND IF YOU SHOULD EVER KISS ME I SHOULD HAVE TO WIPE MY MOUTH. Wipe my Mouth!

Your Identical Twin Sister,

Edith Phillips

Dear Dear Edie,

Why must you be so cruel and spiteful. I had no idea that you were in LA. How in the world have you been supporting yourself, or should I ask? When you wrote me, asking for money for our Fathers headstone, I thought that you said that he owned a winery. It made no sense to me that he wouldn't have had enough money from his estate to handle that, so I didn't respond. Later, I found out that he had died a wino. The only wine he owned was the bottle they found in his hand. With that news, I was too embarrassed to write to you. I didn't want any of my friends to know about it.

Let's let bygones be bygones. Why don't you come to the house sometime next week. We'll have a drink and catch up on old times. If you are still anywhere close to my size, I have some wonderful outfits from a couple of seasons ago, that I'm sure would do fine for you. I know it sounds like I'm offering you my cast-offs, but Edie, wait till you see my cast-offs.

Let me know, won't you, Dear? We shouldn't let silly little things come between us. After all we're Twins aren't we?

Your Sister,

P.S. Maybe you would like to take a little trip to get away for awhile. Remember, Edie, money is no object. M.P.L

Dear Margaret,

You needn't think that you can get rid of me so easily, Just where were you thinking I might take a little trip, to OUTER SPACE!!

I run a little bar called "Edie's", Just off of Figueroa. I live upstairs. You had better come see me there. I hired a little combo that starts playing around seven. Come see me about 7:30 Tuesday night. We won't be disturbed.