(Copyright SteveStickley 1997)

Leona and the Busted A.C.

Dear Sister,

I'll swan, I never seem to have any time anymore to sit down and write a letter. Obviously you don't either. I only assume that my letters are reaching you because they hadn't been returned marked, "deceased" or "undeliverable, addressee’s whereabouts unknown."

The air conditioner went out a week ago Monday. We all just liked to died. It was so hot one night I nearly smothered just tryin to breathe in the house. I pulled Harla and Darla's little daybed things out into the backyard one night, but they got just eaten up by the chiggers. And they both scratched their mosquito bites raw and got em infected. I had to slather em down with campho-phenique and put oscillatin’ fans on em, just so's they could sleep at all.

The third night of this, and we were just out of our minds. Lester found out that Dooley Webberflacks, the Air conditioner man, had to send to Bastrop for a part and it would take a week. The girls little inner thighs were all red, raw and angry with the heat rash, and Lester was developing male itch. You know when Momma used to get that salve for daddy in the summer time, and she'd say, " Your Daddy has jungle rot on his balls. Don't ask any questions and go out and play." Well, it was somethin like that.

We finally decided we were gonna have to check in to a Motel for a couple of nights. You know when you own your own home, and you don't have cause to stay in local motels or hotels, you really aren't aware of what goes on in em. We stayed at the Dixie Motel on 183. I spent most of the first night mashin roaches with my thumb and flickin em off into the commode. Girl, I must have killed a hunnerd that way. I Lysoled everything down but it all still seemed dirty.

After about midnight, we found out just what the Dixie motel is all about. Girl, evidently every disgusting sexsial deviate type in town comes there with Hookers , other people’s wives, midgets, dogs and what have you. There were people traipsing up and down the sidewalk outside our room, squealing and hollerin and fallin down drunk ‘til sun-up.

Luckily the girls slept through the sound of the head boards on either side of us slappin the walls ‘til the one on the north side of us knocked the Norman Rockwell print off the wall and hit me in the head. I didn't think I could go knock and complain, because I figured they'd be the types that would just as soon shoot us as look at us. I probably got five minutes sleep all night.

Lester and the girls were out at the pool pretty early. We had brought the video camera with us, because we didn't want to leave it in the house while we was gone. Lester was shootin some videos of the girls divin and cuttin up out at the pool. Well, when Lester and Harla and Darla came back to the room from the swimmin pool. Some horrible lookin guy with a greasy ponytail, blue mirror sunglasses, and a rattlesnake belt, sees Lester with the video camera and our precious little twins, in matching pink bikinis goin into our Motel room, and he says to Lester, "Hey man pretty kinky, cool. Hey Dude, do you mind if I....." Lester slammed that door right in his face. We wouldn't have even understood what he was talkin about, if we hadn't seen a story like it on Cops.

I told Lester we are gettin the hell out of here. I didn’t even tell him that while they were swimmin, I was makin the beds and found a used maxi pad stuck to the mattress. We stopped off at Wal-Mart and got two more fans, and a window unit Air conditioner, and a big old plastic adult-size wading pool that Lester and I could fit into too.

That damn Dooley Webberflacks had better show up tomorrow with that air conditioner part from Bastrop. I just keep emptying Ice trays into the pool tryin to endure the heat. I think we are gonna carry the T.V. out there too. With the fans and all out there already I'm worried about electrical shock. I just told the girls " don't let any of the extension cords drop into the pool."

Bye for now , and remember we Love you ,any way.

Your sister, Leona