(Copyright SteveStickley 1997)

The Principessa

Dear Sister,

I hope things are going really good for you. We have all had the flu for about two weeks but are now back to normal. It was of course harder on me cuz, even though I was just as sick as everyone else was. As the woman of the house, I had to nurse them all back to health cookin their soup and makin their beds, bearin my sufferin and my fever, like a great big ole cross. Next year everybody’s gettin a flu shot.

I never got to write you, bein so sick and all, that we heard from Lois and Tommy Ralph Jr. It seems their Homersexual cross-dressin performer boy, Ricky Bob, had come to spend some time with them over the holidays and still hadn’t gone back yet.

He and that little friend of his in Corpus Christie had a fallin out and are no longer together. The friend performs in clubs in Corpus under the name of the

"Principessa". It seems that their breakin up left Ricky Bob without a home, a job, and most of his wardrobe.

This Principessa thing evidently runs the drag scene, as they call it, in all of Corpus and has blackballed Ricky Bob from performin in any of the clubs there. Lois and Tommy Ralph hated to say I told you so to Ricky Bob, but that relationship seemed doomed from the beginning. You know the Principessa was one of those Phillipinos with a mean streak. Remember that mean Phillipino that time that threw a hatchet at Daddy when he was at work for no reason at all, except for what Daddy called a Hateful meanness in his native blood?

It seems things came to a head durin a drag show that they were both in. This new guy that the Principessa is seein was backstage helpin him get dressed and hanging around. Ricky Bob overheard him tell somebody that Ricky Bob and the Principessa was just roommates, nothin more, and in fact she told him that Ricky Bob would be movin out by the end of the month.

Well the Principessa was up next, mouthin the words to Whitney Houston’s, I’m Savin All My Love for You. Well this new Cowboy guy from Amarillo, it turns out she’s been seein for over a month behind Ricky Bobs back, walks up durin her number to tip her and she gives him this really long kiss so long everybody is noticing that somethin is going on. About this time Ricky Bob comes across the stage and uproots this big old silver Mylar palm tree that they have, and smacks the both of em over the head with it, while they are still in lip-lock. It knocked the cowboy out cold.

Ricky Bob took out runnin, high heels and all, and took off in his car and went home. When the Principessa shows up, Ricky Bob was packin. The cowboy kicked in the door and the Principessa said there wasn’t no need to pack anything because everything he had, belonged to her and to just get out and get out now.

Ricky Bob evidently tried to get one suitcase into the car and take off, but they pulled him out of the car and started chasin him down the two lane, divided highway trapped in the headlights like a deer, runnin as fast as he could with them tryin to run him down, and with his own car. It was that little Metro Geo, that Lois and Tommy Ralph give him for Christmas and he named it, Suzette.

He finally jumped in a ditch and hid. Then he walked to a rest stop and called Lois and Tommy Ralph. It took em two hours to get there but he couldn’t do anything else dressed like he was. He said he had to sit over at a picnic table in the dark so nobody would notice him. Lester said that it was lucky that the Highway Patrol didn’t see him and think he was a Rest Stop Hooker.

So he’s been there a month and doesn’t think he wants to move back to Corpus. I can’t say I blame him. Lois says he helped her redecorate the living room and her bedroom since he’s been there and they have been sewin up a storm, and shoppin. Lois says I have finally come to realize that my son is the daughter I never had.

Tommy Ralph Jr. Says he thinks that the Principessa needs to have a little accident while she’s on stage one night. He’s thinkin maybe a fire should break out with both front and back doors of the club locked tight. He’s talking with some guy down in Vidor who says he’d do it for 500 dollars.

We was thinking, Lester and I, that it would be nice for Ricky Bob to come stay with you til he gets back on his feet again. What do you think? After all, Lois is your own sister and you’re all screwed up the same way Ricky Bob is. Let us know. Let Lois know.

And remember we love you, anyway.

Your Sister, Leona